As Molly, Castles spends scene after scene spouting dialogue about scientific mumbo-jumbo that she clearly doesn’t understand. But that somehow makes it all really endearing, because while these actors are all rather terrible, gosh darn it, they’re really trying. In fact, no one in this movie has any charisma at all. Unfortunately, Lane Townsend doesn’t even have nearly one third of the charisma that Dwayne Johnson has (nor the biceps!). And Hank is a helicopter pilot, which I guess makes him this film’s version of The Rock, since his character in San Andreas is also a helicopter pilot. Ali of course loathes Molly, because that’s what stepdaughters do to their stepmothers. Molly has a husband, Hank (Lane Townsend), and a stepdaughter, Ali (Grace Van Dien). She’s a scientist who is trying to create a device that will predict earthquakes. Now an adult, Molly is played by Mariska Hargitay stand-in Jhey Castles. It’s as if the filmmakers wanted to underscore the fact that earthquakes really do exist–they didn’t just make them up for this movie, believe or not! Eventually the entire house collapses and Molly’s dad dies, which gives way to a credit sequence that mixes in shots from later in the film with archival footage of actual earthquake reports. And when I say “earthquake” I mean the camera guy shakes his camera around while the actors clumsily act like they’re off balance. Turns out that this was a poor place for a 4 am science experiment, because within moments an earthquake has commenced. Her dad relents and comes outside to listen to all this nonsense, because he must really like bullshit. None the less, Molly rants that she has a science experiment due in a few hours and that’s why she’s blowing holes in the ground. He specifically phrases it like that: that “he” has neighbors–not “they,” so perhaps that means that young high school student Molly doesn’t live with her father. Her father wakes up and proceeds to shout about how it’s 4 am and he has to go to work and that he has neighbors who might have heard that massive explosion. The film opens with young Molly blowing a hole in the ground with an M80. San Andreas Quake tells the story about a group of people living in a strangely empty Los Angeles who must fend off one massive earthquake after another, all while disaster set pieces that look culled from video game cut scenes show moderate destruction. So it seems only fitting that The Asylum, a studio who specializes in utter disasters, have their own mockbuster to go right along with it. This week, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will use his charisma and massive deltoids to do battle with an earthquake in the disaster film San Andreas. So this is kind of like their big break, I guess. Movie it’s knocking off: San AndreasĪctors who’ve seen better days: None! You won’t recognize any of these people, unless you happen to be their loved ones. With ENTER THE ASYLUM, we highlight films from this chop shop of a movie studio. Zombies, and of course the wildly popular Sharknado series. Usually employing once-popular actors who’ve seen better days, their diverse titles include such hits as Transmorphers, The Terminators, Titanic II, Snakes on a Train, When a Killer Calls, The Da Vinci Treasure, Abraham Lincoln vs. Founded in 1997, The Asylum is a low-budget, direct-to-video film production studio who produce “mockbusters”– films with titles and scripts that capitalize on major Hollywood productions.
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